And, probably, to get myself listed somewhere so that Janet Napolitano knows my every flight.
This week, I had to take a trip to NYC to participate in a couple of all-day events. I left Minneapolis on a cold Monday morning, and had my first experience with a TSA rub-down. The woman in MSP (Skyway Checkpoint) was professional, asked me to move through the standard metal detector, explained the process, asked if I wanted a private screening (I declined) and conducted the rub-down. She checked the areas I suspected she'd check, including a cursory glance down my waistband. Then she asked me to sit so that she could check the bottom of my feet. She then ran her gloves through the bomb residue detection machine, ensured they were clean, and then released me from what is, essentially, government custody.
While in custody at MSP, I was allowed to help the agent gather my belongings, and was treated less like a criminal than I had expected.
When I tried to head back to MSP from EWR, my experience was, not surprisingly, different. It started before I even got to the checkpoint. I always carry a small purse in addition to my carry-on suitcase and (adorable) laptop bag. At the entrance to the security line, I was instructed that I violated the TSA's policy of having more than two carry-on items, and in order to go through security, I would have to consolidate. I put my purse in my carry-on suitcase and proceeded to the checkpoint.
At the bag screening machine, I noticed a bag left by the machine and asked if it belonged to the gentleman in front of me. He said no, and continued through security. I was looking for a TSA agent to inform, when I was instructed to move through the AIT machine (even though I approached the standard metal detector). I said I was opting out of radiation for today, and was sent to a gate to wait for an agent. As I was waiting, the gentleman who left his bag at the checkpoint (thereby violating federal regulations regarding leaving baggage unattended) came back and asked the TSA agents to run it through the bag screening machine for him. They did, and then handed him his bag and let him go on his merry way. I am watching this in disbelief. I'm being treated like a criminal, and he *is* a criminal, and is let go. Yes, yes, it was a mistake on his part, yadda yadda yadda, but he still broke the law.
When the female TSA agent appeared, she instructed me through the gate (no metal detector), and pointed towards the end of the bag screening machine. As I walked towards where she had indicated, she yelled at me: "WAIT FOR ME! You STAY WI"TH ME!" I looked at her, laughed, and said that there was no need to get nasty - I had done nothing wrong. I simply went where I was instructed.
She asked me to point out my bags and then got visibly irritated when I showed her what I had sent through the machine. (I am wearing a suit, so I have a winter coat, a suit jacket, shoes, a laptop, a bag of 3-ounce or smaller containers of liquid, a carry-on suitcase, and a laptop bag). She gathered my bags and did not allow me to assist her. She then instructed me to move to a metal table where she placed my belongings. She conducted the search, starting it by saying "As you know...." with the undertones of "you horrible criminal who wants to hurt the United States of America" and proceeded to rub me down. She seemed to follow TSA procedures pretty well, but did not ask me to sit, did not check the bottoms of my feet or my hair, and did not run her gloves through the residue detection device afterward. She simply did the rub down and told me I was no longer in US Federal Government custody. Well, really, she told me I was free to go, but it's the same thing in my book.
So the score so far.... MSP - courteous and thorough, although allowing me to assist in gathering my belongings is a big no-no. EWR - nasty and aggressive, and did not follow protocol for checking the areas of my body that MSP checked, including the hair and bottoms of my feet. And if you wonder why I think the hair is important... in addition to my desire for a scalp massage, I also look at people like John Pistole and wonder what they're hiding in their hairpieces....
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